Wednesday, September 29, 2004

i will go crazy

I hate having my mother live with me. What little life I have is made worse by her. It's been five years and things are no better than they were in the beginning. I'm going to lose my mind. She buys food for me that I do not want and then gets mad when it rots in the fridge. We bought a new and very expensive front-loading washing machine that requires high-efficiency low-sudsing detergent but we still had a big bottle of regular detergent from our old top loading machine. We agreed (reluctantly on my part) to use it up and then switch to the correct detergent, probably Tide HE or something by Kenmore. She even had "coupons off" for HE detergent. We almost finished our old stuff over the weekend so Monday she comes home from the store with a bottle of the SameKind of detergent we used for the old washer. She insisted that I had told her I must have the same brand and that brand didn't have HE detergent. Of course she got all upset about it but today she did return it and got some HE detergent. But another battle ensued. We have unpacked most of our boxes we were going to move but the house and garage are still a mess. I drove to Home Depot the other day and picked up some lumber to make some shelves for the closets to increase storage space and keep things in better order. Well, you can't just pick up a board and buy it. You have to check it for warpage. So I picked through maybe 12 boards to find 2 that were pretty straight; not easy with a bad back. Today I had to take my brand new bike back to the bike shop because it wouldn't shift gears. I had to stand around for and hour and a half waiting for it (they told me it would be 15 minutes) so my back was hurting. I finally get home to find my mother has set up my sawhorses, laid my 2 straight boards across them and piled a bunch of heavy stuff on them to "help me" get the garage in order. The boards were sagging already. I told her I needed those sawhorses so I could saw something. Then I saw the sagging boards and I had to start getting stuff off them immediately. So she's pissed again. "I did it for YOU" she says. I told her I had not asked her to do it. "You're always bitching about the garage being a mess" she says. I have remarked on the mess and I'm not complaining about it because it gets better every day. "Every time you open your mouth you bitch!" she says. I want to say "you're the stupid bitch, leave my goddam stuff alone". Instead I tell her "thank you for your hard work." It does no good. I want her to go live somewhere else. Like with my brother in Indiana. Like I don't have enough personal problems. No wonder I don't want to relate to people. I've had so much inconsistency I can't deal with it.

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