Wednesday, October 06, 2004

lies all lies

Originally uploaded by Fifi LePew.
I hate it when the makeup artists don't do those last-minute touchups on the Neiman Marcus models right before a fashion photo shoot. "oh, well," they say, "not to worry, they can airbrush that out." Too true, you cheapos, and fortunately for your lazy ass we "airbrushers" are extremely good at what we do and take a lot of pride in doing it even though all but the most famous of our clan get paid a pittance for our expertise.

It's all lies, people. Those models in the clothing catalogs don't look like that. The clothing doesn't fit like that. It's partly saftey-pinned and scotch-taped into place and mostly manipulated by Photoshop to get that perfect fit. Don't expect it to be wrinkle-free or to hang on you just so.

The ample flu vaccine supply is also a lie. Or maybe this should be titled "just how dumb is our government?"

Seriously, if I had a dime for every tattoo, zit, wrinkle, eye bag, extruding collarbone, bony knuckle, bunion, popped-out vein, and excess body hair that I've removed I could probably retire comfortably tomorrow. Throw in a dollar for every anorexic woman that required removal of another 5 or 10 pounds and I could retire in style.

No comments: